She is brave
She is beautiful
She is true
This is her story
My name is Shaylea Hamblin.
This is my story of a disorder that has made me stronger
and a much more
positive person.
At the age of 12, the day
before my birthday on the 6th of February 2012 I was diagnosed with the deadly
disorder
Anorexia Nervosa
I was admitted to Nambour General Hospital at 30.7
kilograms.
My heart rate was sitting on 27 and slowly decreasing.
My heart,
kidneys and liver were failing drastically.
I had lost more than 15 kilos and
85% of my body weight.
All that remained of me was a skeletal frame.
From being
a healthy, happy strong child to having no strength and no life left in my
little body.
This disease had taken over and I had not known the extent of its
power until my admission.
Being in this hospital ward was
the start of a very long year.
I never realised how much power the human mind
could have.
Certain thoughts would enter in and just balloon into overreactions.
Nambour General was a very good hospital, the Nurses were nice and there was a
very good schooling programme,
with activities that could entertain all ages
with all sorts of problems.
They put a nasogastric tube into my nose and fed me
on Nutrison fibre which was pumped through to
my stomach all the time as my
source of food, strength and weight gain as I still was refusing to eat.
Food
scared me.
The thought of placing food in my mouth was just not an idea
anymore.
It was a nightmare, an intense fear and as far as anorexia was concerned it
just wasn’t an option anymore.
I found myself gaining weight within three days
of being an inpatient and angry emotions flooded over me.
They were stretching
my stomach and filling my skin - to anorexia this was bad, and the voices were
hurting.
I was only in Nambour for one
week before they sent me down to
a mental health unit in Brisbane called CFTU
(Child and Family Therapy Unit).
Here it felt like a jail.
It was all brick.
There were bars on the windows.
You couldn’t get in or out unless you were a Nurse
and I just wanted to escape.
This place was strict and there were rules that I
had never thought existed before.
I was placed on bed rest where I was almost
stapled to my bed all the time except to walk 1 metre
to the toilet and to have
a supervised shower.
All the food, water and school priorities were brought
to me
and I wasn't allowed to see any of the other children in the facility.
This
process lagged for a little over a week before I finally was allowed to go into
the family room
to talk and interact with the other inpatients.
There were four
others in the facility at the same time as me
and we all formed a very strong
bond which we still have today.
Something I hadn't realised while I was there,
but see now in reflection, is that I wasn’t helping myself.
I was trying to
help everyone else and in this process I looked strong but I was failing
and
this disorder was still powerfully looming.
Week 3 in CFTU I was allowed to
go to school over the road at the Royal Brisbane Hospital.
Weighing 36.6 kilos
and looking as if I was doing exceptionally well, I was able to do the 1
kilometre walk with all the other kids.
In a way I was lucky in this first time of
hospitalisation
My cousin had unfortunately suffered from a brain aneurism and was also in hospital.
My cousin had unfortunately suffered from a brain aneurism and was also in hospital.
We were very close and become even closer through
spending
so much time with each other and being such a help in both of our unfortunate
situations.
Learning was hard and concentration was severely lacking
but I was
glad of my cousin and my friend from school who was there in relation to her
brother with Leukaemia.
These two people were my strength and my help from day
to day.
As I was so young in my
experience of Anorexia there was a lot of things that I felt very scared about.
I became infuriated that they expected so much in my recovery.
Especially when I was not in the right frame of mind to accommodate their help.
Towards the end of my stay at CFTU I became more confident with eating.
I felt
as though I had fooled all the nurses into believing I was fine
and that I was
a strong person who could overcome this illness.
Having spent a total of 3
months in hospital and therapy, my grade 8 year was going very slowly, sadly
and painfully.
I was discharged at the very end of Term 1 and completed all of
Term 2 at School.
Then in Term 3
I relapsed again
This time with more anger and
frustration – angry with myself that it had happened again.
The second time I was not as
physically severe but mentally I was all gone.
I was full of anger and distress
and felt like everything was against me.
I went through a stage I don’t
remember but my Mum can still see it vividly now and it scared her.
But to me,
I was fine.
I became low, lower than ever before and the people who cared about
me didn’t know what to do.
I rejected the help from the Nurses, Psychologists,
Counsellors, Doctors, Dieticians and every other health whacko out there.
It
took me until this second admission to realise that I needed to WANT to get over this!
It was all up to me, because you can't get better unless you WANT to help
yourself.
I became positive but not in a confident way like the first time but an
overcoming way
showing I really did want to return to being happy, healthy,
strong and enjoying life with my friends,
and not always having food as the
main focus of my life.
I wasn’t as concerned about other people in CFTU this
time as I learned that
I needed to help myself first before I could go around
trying to help them.
The Nurses were so much stricter about my recovery because
they knew it was serious and I needed
to return to some sort of normality
sooner rather than later.
I was determined to get better!
I knew life could be
amazing!
There are so many wonderful things in this world to do and see
and so
many beautiful, inspiring people to meet and share with.
Now I am 15 years old and
happier than ever,
thriving on life's natural beauties and making the most of
every minute.
My priorities have changed completely from being all about food,
my body and my looks
to now being all about positivity, a healthy lifestyle and
keeping my faith strong.
I love learning new things about this world and the
people in it.
It truly fascinates me as there are always new things to grow
from.
My family mean so much to me and have been the biggest help.
I can't
explain how much they have done and the support they have given me is
incredible.
I love them so much!
I have just participated in the
Shave for a Cure and donated 30cm of my hair
to Pantene Beautiful Lengths Foundation
– a charity which makes wigs for Cancer sufferers.
I have wanted to do this for
so many years as my friend lost her brother to the devastating disease of Leukaemia
and now I have finally done it.
I love all of you girls out
there
and I think you are all so beautiful!
You are all so incredible and
you have so much going for you!
.jpg)
